


Lettuce Be Lovers

by awfuldaycupcake



Series: The One Shots Between Ironic and Onomatopoeia [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Luke, College!AU, Fangirl Calum, M/M, Nerd Ashton, Rebel Michael, The whole thing is a bit of an awkward mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:53:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awfuldaycupcake/pseuds/awfuldaycupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke repeatedly comes into the shop Ashton works at and picks up a lettuce. Then, halfway through the shop, he decides he doesn't want the lettuce and puts it back on the shelf next to him, regardless of what aisle he's in. While most people might find this very amusing, Ashton is not most people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lettuce Be Lovers

The first time Luke came in was a Tuesday. Ashton had resumed his standard position of cashier at the local Aldi, with the standard outfit of a blue polo and khakis, complete with a company apron. He pinned the name tag onto the shirt, which stated his name in all capitals. If he was being honest, he hated the job. But he was in Uni, which meant that he needed not only to pay tuition, but to be able to afford a decent meal, as well. He slid into the chair behind the cashier. Ashton wasn’t used to many customers coming during his shift, with him working until 8 PM and all. He spun around once or twice in the spinny chair, before pulling a book out of the messenger bag he had taken with him. Adjusting his glasses on his nose, Ashton began to scan the pages of The Awakening by Kate Chopin. 

The bells above the door jingled, marking someone’s entrance. Ashton glanced up, seeing a blonde boy dressed in all black shamble into the store. Ashton made no note of it, finding the book far more interesting. In the story, Robert had basically just left Edna, his only excuse being that she was in a previous marriage. _Robert’s a dick anyways,_ Ashton thought, turning the page quietly. _Léonce will treat you better._

A sudden crash was heard at the other end of the store, and Ashton looked up with a jolt. The teenager from earlier had knocked down the soda display. Ashton sighed, setting the book down. He walked towards the blonde bloke, slightly impatient. 

“Shit man, I’m sorry, I…” he trailed off, and Ashton smiled tightly. 

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve got it.” Ashton said, starting to place the cans back into the pyramid formation that they occupied earlier. Something about the boy was… familiar. Ashton watched out of his peripheral vision as the blonde bloke opened the freezer in the back, pulling out a head of lettuce. _Well, that’s odd,_ Ashton thought to himself, piling on the bottom layer of the soda. _lettuce doesn’t belong in the freezer._

The bloke shut the freezer, moving to the other end of the store. Ashton finished up with the display, taking a step back. It wasn’t perfect - it wasn’t really neat at all - but it’d have to do. He turned down the aisle, ready to continue his book, when he saw the boy awkwardly set down the head of lettuce. He looked both ways, before stashing his hands in his pockets and leaving the store. _He didn’t even buy anything,_ Ashton thought as he walked down through the cereal aisle. _Rude._

The head of lettuce sat lodged between boxes of Fruit Loops and Coco Pops. Ashton cocked a brow, confused at the gesture. He pulled the lettuce out, walking back towards the vegetable section. _Lettuce doesn’t belong in the cereal aisle, either,_ he thought, picking the book off the counter. He didn’t think much of it. 

  


The second time the Luke came in was over a month later, when the store had just begun stocking Christmas gifts and items, despite it being November. Ashton always thought the early preparation of Christmas type holidays was sort of ridiculous, but shoppers seemed to be all over the stuff. A small stack of Hanukkah items lay in the back corner, receiving much less attention than they should. _At least their holiday still has some meaning to it,_ Ashton thought, restocking the Sing Along Reindeer in aisle twelve, _not just commercialized garbage._

The bell at the top of the door rang, and Ashton set the box of reindeer down next to the tinsel. Smoothing his apron, he stood and walked towards the cashier station, a faux smile plastered on his face. The boy who entered the store looked vaguely familiar, and Ashton had to think to fully realise who he might be. His hair was fluffed into a quiff, something that looked a little weird with his clothing- a blink-182 singlet and shorts. The boy was so tall he was practically tripping over his own legs. Ashton gave him a quick once over, biting his lip. The boy wasn’t bad looking. Ashton watched as he walked gracelessly around the store, finally opting to pick up a head of lettuce from the Hanukkah section. Ashton’s face fell as he registered who the boy was- the blonde bloke that managed to knock his pyramid of soda cans down. Ashton was never one to hold a grudge, but it took over an hour to make that tower, and his boss was less than impressed with the rush of a job Ashton did to clean it up afterwards. 

The boy walked around some more, grazing through the aisles. He lingered around the ice cream cakes, but he backtracked to stare at the gummy vitamins. Ashton rolled his eyes, leaning his cheek against his right hand, as if it weighed a ton. He had finished The Awakening after a while, (Ashton actually loved the ending of a book for once,) and had not been able to run to the library between school and work. So, without a single thing to do, Ashton watched as the blonde ruffled around with the vegetables. “Shit.” Ashton murmured, realising who the boy was. Luke Hemmings was a boy in his history class who hardly ever said a word, but was known for always bringing outrageous amounts of food to morning lectures. He often shared, but still never said anything. Ashton narrowed his eyebrows, watching Luke walk around strangely. 

He set the lettuce down in the canned fruits section this time, looking both ways as if hiding something. Taking two steps back, he walked off, leaving through the ENTER door. Ashton squinted, confused with the boy’s antics. _Maybe he’s trying to send a code, hiding the lettuce in places for a friend or something,_ Ashton thought, walking towards the canned fruit. He reached out and grabbed the lettuce, turning it around and around in the palm of his hand. Making a face, Ashton walked over to the garbage, dumping it in the trash. _Weeks of sitting in the Hanukkah section can make a lettuce really rotten,_ he thought, heading back to the check out station. 

Sitting down in the spinning chair behind the cashier, Ashton found himself with nothing to do. He spun a few circles on the office chair, trying to think of something to ease his growing boredom. Ashton pulled his phone out of his back pocket, opening Flappy Bird with a huff. “It’s going to have to do.” he muttered, tapping the screen. 

  


The next time the blonde bloke came, Ashton wasn’t there. Ashton heaved his bag down, flopping overdramatically onto the bed in his dorm. Christmas vacation had gone by in a blur of fighting, champagne, and obnoxious family jokes about his homosexuality. He was surprised to find himself missing the constant video gaming of his roommate, Michael, and the car horns blaring at odd times in the middle of the night. Overall, though, he mostly missed the sense of freedom that Uni had given. Not having to take constant orders from his parents and relatives had been nice. 

“Ash, you awake?” a voice came from the door. Ashton groaned in response, rolling over slightly to see Michael, waving a phone in his direction. “Cal called. Something about him covering your shift while you were away, you owe him, something else about lettuce, yadda yadda yadda.” Michael trailed off, shrugging. Calum, Ashton’s coworker and Michael’s childhood friend, chose not to go home for vacation, opting the ‘carefree, stressful environment’ of Uni. Ashton suspected that he just wanted to stay to see his girlfriend, Bo, more often. 

“Give me the phone, I’ll call him back.” Ashton said, slowly crawling into a sitting position. 

“Use your own phone, I’m almost out of minutes.” Michael grumbled, switching on their Playstation. 

“Yeah, okay. Retreat to your video games. I see how it is.” Ashton said, pulling his suitcase up on to his bed. He grabbed his phone out of the back pocket, pulling up text. 

  


**Ashton** : _Hey, Calum. How was vacation?_

He typed, hitting the send button. A text alert came only seconds later, letting him know Calum had replied. 

  


**Calum** : _meh._

  


Ashton cocked an eyebrow, trying to figure out what Calum meant. 

  


**Ashton** : _Just meh?_

  


**Calum** : _some weird guy kept coming into the store, asking about you, and hiding lettuce_

  


Sighing, Ashton wrote out his reply. He knew exactly who Calum was talking about. 

  


**Ashton** : _What?_

  


**Calum** : _i know. he came in every night at your shift, asking for you, and hiding lettuce. didn’t even buy anythin_

  


**Calum** : _*anything_

  


**Ashton** : _Yeah, that’s Luke. He’s done it to me twice before._

  


**Calum** : _should we like call the cops or something_

  


Ashton laughed, shaking his head. 

  


**Ashton** : he’s not technacally doing anything illegal 

  


**Calum** : _he’s being disruptive_

  


**Ashton** : _yeah, well so are you._

  


**Michael** : _CALUMMMMM play me in COD_

  


**Calum** : _yeah, whatever. See ya later, Ash_

  


**Ashton** : _you boys and your video games, i swear to god_

Ashton switched his phone off, falling back on to his bed. He’d deal with the boy later - for now, he was going to get some well needed sleep. 

  


The next time Luke dropped by, Ashton was there. He wasn’t in the best of moods- he stayed up all last night arguing with Michael about finals, and the fact that Michael never took them seriously. He was failing the majority of his classes, and even outright told Ashton that he planned on dropping out. Ashton argued back, worried that Michael might screw himself over, sacrificing a perfectly fine career. Needless to say, Ashton was exhausted. Throwing his messenger bag to the ground, Ashton slid into the spinny chair with a huff. He really hoped no one showed up. Sleep was calling his name, and even the desk was looking like a good enough bed at the moment. Ashton crossed his arms on the table, sliding his head down. The bell at the front of the shop rang. 

Ashton grimaced, pulling his head off the desk. Little to his surprise, Luke, the blonde bloke with the weird Lettuce thing, had tripped into the Aldi again. Ashton rolled his eyes, glaring at the boy. Ashton knew fully well by now that he wasn’t going to buy anything. Ashton watched him pick out a head of lettuce from the aisle with the trail mix, and sighed heavily. He had no tolerance left for this. 

Luke put the lettuce down next to the gum by the cash register and turned to leave. “Wait.” Ashton said, and the boy pivoted on his foot, looking up at Ashton. 

“Hmm?” The boy said, raising his eyebrows. Ashton was irritated. 

“Why don’t you ever buy anything? You’re in here all the time, moving around lettuce and fucking things up. Is there a reason? Do you enjoy pissing me off? Is that it?” Ashton said, and edge to his voice. The blonde boy recoiled, inhaling audibly. 

“I- I, uh,” he stammered, avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh, just go, Luke. And if you’re not buying anything here next time, don’t bother coming back.” Ashton said, shaking his head. 

“You knew my name, I-” Luke started, and Ashton sent him a glare. Luke then left the store in a rush, and Ashton put his head back down. He didn’t have time for this. 

  


Luke didn’t come in again for over a month. The only times Ashton saw him was during history, and even then, Luke flinched away from him. Ashton kept telling himself that he could care less, that it didn’t matter what Luke did, as long as Luke avoided the Aldi. However many times he told himself this, it didn’t seem to work. 

“So what are you doing this Valentine’s?” Calum asked, sliding down on the couch in Ashton’s dorm room. 

“Staying indoors, eating pizza, and being generally alone.” Michael answered, emerging from the bathroom. His hair was now purple. 

“You did not.” Ashton said, glancing at Michael’s new hair. 

“I did too. It’s blue now. Do you like?” he asked, straightening his fringe. 

“Hate to be rude, Mike, but that is purple. Definitely purple.” Calum said. 

“No, it’s blue. I put blue dye in it.” Michael protested. 

“Okay, Michael. You had red hair, you dyed it blue. In the color world, red plus blue usually equals-” Ashton started. 

“Oh, hell.”Michael complained, turning back into the bathroom. 

“Anyways, Ashton. Any holiday plans?” Calum said. 

“Work.” Ashton replied, shrugging. 

“You can’t _work_ on Valentine’s.” Calum said, crossing his arms. 

“My tuition payment was really high, remember? Not everybody can just get a scholarship because they’re good at football, now can they?” Ashton said sarcastically. Calum put his hand on his heart in mock hurt. 

“You wound me, Irwin.” Calum said jokingly, and Ashton chuckled. 

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” Ashton said. “But seriously, you two, please don’t throw another surprise ‘we-know-you-hate-Valentine’s-so-here’s-a-party party. Last year’s was dreadful.” 

“Was not. You seemed to have a lot of fun.” Michael said, flopping down on the couch, on the other side of Calum. 

“Yeah, because girls hanging all over me is my ideal image of fun.” Ashton said sarcastically. 

“In all fairness to us, that was before you came out. Maybe if you did, we could’ve, you know, whipped something else together.” Calum said. Ashton made a face. 

“No. Don’t- don’t scar me for life this year, okay? Sounds good.” Ashton said, getting up from the couch. 

“Nah, where are you going?” Calum said, and Ashton smiled. 

“Where do you think?” Ashton asked. 

“You massive work horse. It’s all you ever do any more.” Michael complained. 

“Your parents paid for your Uni. I don’t wanna hear you complain.” Ashton said, slipping his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

“Say hi to lettuce boy, if you see him!” Calum called. 

` “He hasn’t been there in a while. Ashton won’t shut up about it.” Michael said, smirking. 

“What? I never talk about Luke.” Ashton said. 

“Oh, you do, though. That’s all it is anymore- Luke, Luke, Luke.” Calum said back. Ashton smiled, slipping on his shoes. 

“Shut up.” 

The final time Luke came in was February 14. Holiday banners decorated the aisles of the Aldi, and there was so much red and pink scattered everywhere that the store seemed to have gotten a flesh wound. Ashton sat behind the counter, finishing an essay on the importance of commercial life of the Indian Ocean region primarily from 650 C.E. to 1750 C.E.. Slowly but surely, History had become his weakest subject. Luke Hemmings sat two rows ahead of him, and Ashton couldn’t help but stare. He had fallen behind. Although the essay was due two weeks later, he figured he would try and get extra credit for turning it in early. As Ashton flipped the page in the textbook, the bell above the door rang. Ashton looked up apprehensively, and, as he had secretly hoped, there stood Luke. 

Luke walked around less clumsily than before, as if he had a goal in mind. He grabbed a fresh lettuce from the vegetable section, which was where the lettuce actually belonged (for once). Luke walked straight down the aisle, before pausing. He lingered slightly outside the valentine’s stand, before grabbing a heart shaped box of chocolates. Stuffing them under his arm, he marched towards the checkout counter. 

“Uh, um, hi. Is there anything I can help you with-” Ashton started, but Luke cut him off, determination apparently shining through. 

“Yes. I would like to buy these items, thanks.” Luke said, nodding towards the lettuce. 

“Oh, really? Um, of course. Just give me a sec.” Ashton said, scanning the heart chocolates, and typing several digits into the computer for the head of lettuce. “That will be $11.09.” Ashton said, and Luke fished a red bill out of his pocket, passing it to Ashton, who deposited it into the cash register. “$8.91 is your change.” Ashton said, depositing the appropriate bills and coins into Luke’s hand. 

“Hi, Ashton? I know you’re busy, but can I talk to you for a moment?” Luke said, and Ashton smiled. 

“Luke, you’re the only customer in the store. Please, take your time.” Ashton said. 

“Well, I wanted to say that I’m really sorry about the whole lettuce thing.” Luke kept eye contact with Ashton as he said this, showing that he really meant it. 

“Luke, it’s fine. I overreacted.” 

“You did not, though. I’ve spent months chasing around, too chicken to buy a head of lettuce, and that’s not okay. Because, like, the reason I’m always in here, the reason that I never buy anything, is-” The bell rung above the door, marking the entrance of a new customer. Luke jumped, looking back to Ashton. 

“I’m sorry, I need to go.” Luke said, bagging his own items. 

“Wait, Luke.” Ashton said, and Luke stopped. Ashton pulled Luke’s receipt, scrawling his own number down with the pen he was previously using to write an essay. “Tell me, okay? I’d like to know.” Luke nodded, walking away. The next customer put a jug of milk down on the conveyer belt, and Ashton sighed. 

  


Of course, just because Luke never visited the store again, it didn’t mean that he didn’t again see Ashton. Ashton had not received any texts from Luke, but he didn’t let it get to him. Maybe Luke lost his phone, or maybe he never even had a cell phone in the first place. It was none of Ashton’s business, and he needed to let Luke alone. 

But then, of course, Ashton would walk into history class, and Luke would be sitting right there, occasionally glancing back towards Ashton, smiling politely every time they caught eyes. Ashton placed his head in his hand, smiling ever so slightly. He watched as Luke pulled his phone under his desk, typing something out. Ashton felt his own phone vibrate and moved to get it. 

“Mr. Irwin, were you paying attention to the question?” Their teacher, Mr. Braun, said with a huff. 

“Oh, yes, sir.” Ashton said, looking up suddenly. 

“So I take it you’d be fine answering it, then?” the teacher asked, and Ashton flushed red. 

“Um… Obama?” Ashton asked hesitantly, and the whole class broke into giggles. Mr. Braun scowled, writing a note on his clipboard. 

“Mr. Irwin, please see me after class.” 

“Yes, sir.” Ashton said reluctantly. 

  


After getting away with only a spoken warning, Ashton trudged back to his dormitory. He was never one to get in trouble; he always raised his hand first, and always got the right answer. Trouble was never an issue he found himself dealing with… until now. Tossing his bag down on the couch, Ashton kicked his shoes off at the door. Michael lay strewn over the couch, his eyes shut. 

“Michael. Mikey. Mike.” Ashton said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Michael!” 

“What now?” Michael asked suddenly, jerking awake. 

“You’re gonna miss your noon lesson if you don’t go, like, right away.” Ashton said, and Michael just shrugged. 

“Eh, I was planning on skipping it anyways. I can’t stand Calc.” Michael said, rolling back onto the couch. 

“Get up. You’re going. Even if I have to drag you to that lesson, you will be on time.” Ashton said roughly, crossing his arms. 

“Why, though? I think I should be able to skip one or two lessons.” 

“One or two, maybe, but six? Seven? Michael, truancy is a crime.” Ashton said, hanging his coat in the closet next to the door. 

“What are they gonna do, kick me out? Oh wait.” Michael said. Ashton knew Michael was referring to the fact that he was seriously considering dropping out, and despite how many times Ashton tried to convince him otherwise, Michael still thought it was a good idea. 

“Just go to class, Mikey.” Ashton said, the exasperation clear in his voice. 

“Whatever.” Michael said reluctantly, slipping on his trainers and heading out the door. 

“Don’t forget your jacket, it’s freezing!” Ashton called, but Michael just flipped him the bird. Ashton sighed, sitting down on the couch. 

Ashton felt his phone vibrate again, and reached down to check it. _‘4 texts from: 2-365-2785_ ’ Ashton smiled softly, opening the texts. 

  


**2365-652-785** : _Hey, Ashton, it’s Luke_

**2365-652-785** : _I know you’re there, I see you looking at your phone_

**2365-652-785** : _Sorry I got you caught :-/_

**2365-652-785** : _I was wondering if maybe we could go out to, like laser tag or something? I know it’s tacky, but… That’d be cool._

  


Ashton smiled, adding Luke’s contact to his phone. He replied gladly, happy for something to do. 

  


**Ashton** : _Laser Tag? Well, that’s a first. What time?_

  


**Luke** : _Around three sound good?_

  


**Ashton** : _Sounds perfect. Any place you have in mind?_

  


**Luke** : _I know Strike has a really cool programme, if that’s cool with you._

  


**Ashton** : _Awesome. Can’t wait to see you there._

  


Ashton put his phone back into his pocket, leaning back on the couch. A goofy smile spread across his face. “So who’s the lucky boy?” Calum said, walking into the room from the kitchen. Ashton turned around hastily, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Oi! I just told Mikey off for skipping, and here you are!” Ashton said, trying to change the topic. Calum walked over and plopped himself on the couch next to Ashton, smirking. 

“Nice try, but I don’t have classes until four today. Spill.” Calum said. 

“I, um, well.” Ashton started awkwardly, looking down. “It’s Luke.” 

“I knew it!” Calum shouted, throwing his hands into the air. Ashton shook his head slowly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “You talk about him all the time and aww, I’m so happy for you.” Calum hugged him around the side and Ashton struggled to shake him off. 

“G’roff.” Ashton muttered, as his phone vibrated again. 

  


**Luke** : _I should probably tell you the address. It’s Building 207, 122 Lang Road, Moore Park, Sydney_

  


“Oh, your boyfriend’s texting you, how cute.” Calum gushed, trying his best to see Ashton’s screen. 

“He’s not my boyfriend, fuck off.” Ashton said, a laugh escaping his throat. 

  


**Ashton** : _Thanks for that extremely detailed location there, Luke._

  


**Luke** : _You’re very welcome._

  


And so, after an enthralling battle of Laser tag, Ashton found himself sitting in the food court of the place, laughing with Luke over old stories and sodas. “So she just punched him! Right in the face, it was, must’ve left a crazy bruise. Can’t say I blame her, though, he’s a massive twat.” Luke ranted, and Ashton laughed, taking another sip of his drink. Luke was currently trying to explain why his brother’s best friend was suspended from their college- she had punched Ben in the face. Luke smiled, running a hand through his hair. 

“I have a quick question, though, hate to be so random, but, um…” Ashton started, trailing off. 

“Well, spit it out.” Luke said, smiling weakly. Ashton nodded. 

“What was with the, um, what was the whole lettuce thing?” Ashton asked. He was a little worried that Luke might close up, not want to talk about it. Instead his smile widened. 

“Funny story actually. You see, I, uh, well, I always wanted to talk to you.” Luke said, looking down, the smile still there. “So I’d go and grab the nearest thing I could think of, which was always lettuce, for some bizarre reason, and I’d put it somewhere, try to get your attention. I dunno, it’s stupid.” Luke said, and Ashton saw a blush creep onto Luke’s cheeks. 

“That’s not stupid. It’s rather smart, actually. Doing something different to try and stick out, that is.” Ashton said, smiling back. 

“The funniest part is that I can’t even stand lettuce.” Luke added, shrugging. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> The LASHTON one shot I promised at the end of Ironic. The rest of the scheduling goes as follows:
> 
> //Mashton (The English Teacher and the Janitor)  
> Ashton Irwin was an English teacher at Richmond High School, a school he went to and graduated himself. He and his the math teacher, Luke Hemmings, regularly meet up for tea and gossip over lunch periods. Their prime subject for gossip, of course, was Michael Clifford, the school janitor, and a bit of an outcast among- well, everybody, really. He dropped out of high school, as did the gardener, a well kept man who only went by Mr. Hood. Not many expect much from Michael, with the reputation he carries. Well, no one except Ashton.
> 
> //Muke (Nobody Likes Magikarp)  
> Michael loves Pokémon, and it’s no secret. Luke definitely shares the love of the game. So when things go berserk and both boys end up in a video game, there’s no telling how this story will end.
> 
> //Platonic 5SOS (I Think We're Stuck)  
> Michael Clifford was a game designer. Well, more specifically, a game designer’s intern. He rushed coffee to and fro, made sure papers were straightened, and ran runs to the bank. Not a great job, especially considering he didn’t get paid. But if this was all it took to get a job in gaming, Michael would gladly sign up.  
> Luke Hemmings was still in med school, training to be a nurse. With good pay and a steady location, it seemed like a good career choice to an 18 year old. A year in to school, and Luke’s starting to doubt his choice. He doesn’t find any of the curriculum exciting at all, and doesn’t know if he ever will.  
> Ashton Irwin is a music teacher. He works at a school near his childhood home, living just down the street from his family. It’s nice and all, but he can’t help but wish he would have traveled while he had the chance. The world lay for him to explore, and he was cemented in the sleepy town he grew up in.  
> Calum Hood was a football star. He was incredibly good at what he did, but every day was a challenge. There was always someone better than he was, always someone faster, always someone stronger. Calum stressed over the smallest things, and he just wanted to let go, be himself. He wanted to feel free.  
> These four boys had never met, until one average day in the middle of Spring. A small bank was open, as it usually was. Michael was depositing a check for his boss. Luke was fixing a misspelling of his name on his checkbook. Ashton was setting up a savings account. Calum was just going into get a lollipop, if he was honest. These simple tasks all lead up to one terrible twist, one slip of a hand, leading these strangers to think the exact same thing.
> 
> _I think we’re stuck._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> So yeah. Those will be spaced out, one every two weeks. I know, it's a wait, but I need sleep, or else my writing turns to shit.  
> (not that it isn't already lol)  
> ~Molly/Cecilia, depending


End file.
